funny...but true

This list is " You know you have been in China too long when..." and some of it is already true for me.

The smell of stinky dofu doesn't faze you anymore.
>
>- You complain about that price difference of DVDs/VCDs/CDs bought in the
>stores and on the streets.
>
>- You are not surprised when your garbage lady answers her cell phone and
>keeps digging through your trash!
>
>- You (female) stop wanting to be tanned in summer and start carrying an
>umbrella.
>
>- You no longer feel that females look like prostitutes wearing tight short
>shorts in the summer.
>
>- It doesn't shock you anymore when you can see female's underwear through
>their dress.
>
>- You shove the guy before you back to where he stood half a minute before
>in the queue, barking a loud "hou mian, hou mian, ni nongmin!"
>
>- You dial the wrong number, and instead of saying "buhao yi shi, wo da cuo
>le..." you simply hang up.
>
>- You can open and hull sunflower seeds with your tongue.
>
>- You eat so many sunflower seeds you now have a dent in one or both of
>your front teeth.
>
>- You have a jar full of "fen" (Chinese pennies) at home.
>
>- You can climb 6 flights of stairs without a rest stop.
>
>- You dress according to the calendar instead of the weather, e.g. wearing
>3 or 4 layers in April -- even when it's 20 degrees Celsius outside.
>
>- You have trouble sleeping when you go home for a visit because it's just
>too darn quiet.
>
>- You feel at home when you hear mosquito's buzzing near your ear.
>
>- You can sing The Moon Represents My Heart -- in English and in Chinese.
>
>- You forget how to program a VCR at home because that is obsolete
>technology in China.
>
>- You wonder why everyone is so fat back home -- even the Asians!
>
>- You have ten different responses to the question, "Do you like China?"
>
>- You know ten different ways to point out a foreigner in Chinese.
>
>- You stare at other foreigners.
>
>- You stare back (especially at knockout women).
>
>- You point out foreigners to your Chinese friends even though you're
>foreign yourself.
>
>- You no longer find it humourous that the bus never really stops to pick
>people up, it just sort of slows down.
>
>- You find yourself asking anyone and everyone if they can make the price
>cheaper.
>
>- You know words in Chinese for which you don't know the translation in
>English.
>
>- Your mashed potato has squid guts and fish heads in it...and you think it
>tastes fine.
>
>- You answer 'China' or some Chinese city when people ask where you're
>from.
>
>- You answer 'China' or some district name when people ask where you live.
>
>- You answer 'ni hao', giggle, and run away when someone says hello to you.
>
>- You pick your nose, burp, fart, and scratch so much even your Chinese
>friends get embarrassed.
>
>- You start thinking that stupid questions are reasonable.
>
>- You call home and your family tell you to speak faster and stop
>correcting their grammar and pronunciation.
>
>- You think that having the runs for 2 weeks is normal.
>
>- You don't have any idea what something is, but you'll eat it anyway.
>
>- If you just ate it and liked it, you ask what it is so you can order it
>next time.
>
>- You know what it is and you eat it anyway.
>
>- You have strict mental rules as to when you reply to a hello (ie person
>must be within a 20 foot semi circle radius and not with a group of men).
>
>- You completely ignore most people who say hello to you.
>
>- You have a conversation while sidestepping feces, vomit, and mysterious
>green puddles on the sidewalk without blinking.
>
>- You see a woman with dyed hair and trying to figure out of she's Chinese
>or foreign by walking fast to catch up.
>
>- You eat cake with chopsticks.
>
>- You don't eat your cake anymore, after all cake is for food fight only.
>
>- You've stopped wondering why it takes a 20 gallon flush to clear a 2
>ounce pee.
>
>- You answer 'So is mine.' when people say their English is so poor.
>
>- You convince yourself that it doesn't matter how dirty the cooks' hands
>are, cooking will fix it.
>
>- You think squats are great because no one can piss on the seat.
>
>- You think Yang Rei (CCTV9 'Dialogue' program) is an unbiased reporter.
>
>- You believe that anything done to you is because you're not culturally
>sensitive enough.
>
>- You stop wondering why they're not culturally sensitive to you, their
>guest.
>
>- You are becoming proficient in 4 other languages: Mandarin, local
>dialect, Chinglish, and gibberish.
>
>- If there are only 4 screaming children running around the classroom, you
>consider it a good primary class.
>
>- If there are only 4 students sleeping, you consider it a good middle
>school class.
>
>- If there are only 4 dictionary obsessed nerds, you consider it a good
>language center class.
>
>- If you're only mocked in public 4 times, you consider it a good day.
>
>- You love tofu because there's nothing to spit out and it doesn't have any
>taste.
>
>- You start saying 'play computer' 'I very like' and other assorted
>Chinglish.
>
>- You know exactly what CS is, and you can't live without playing it at
>least once a week.
>
>- You hold hands with men and think nothing of it.
>
>- You avoid touching women like they have cooties.
>
>- You get absolutely knackered at a 12 year old's birthday party while
>playing drinking games with children and munching on turtles.
>
>- You whole-heartedly agree with things that you don't agree with.
>
>- You can do almost anything standing on, but not actually wearing, your
>sneakers (i.e. change your pants)!!
>
>- You've got a pre-paid ticket with a booked seat for a soft-seat train or
>plane, but you still run like mad to make sure you get a seat.
>
>- You forget that vegetable soup is actually pesticide broth.
>
>- You laugh and smile when someone calls you a fat pig.
>
>- You point over your back with your thumb when using the past tense.
>
>- You watch TV and not know what the hell is going on but enjoy it anyway
>because of the women in the shampoo commercials.
>
>- You think that America's '60 Minutes' program is 48 minutes of bullshit
>and 12 minutes of commercials, but you can't wait for China's '60 Minutes',
>which will either be 60 minutes of bullshit OR 60 minutes of commercials.
>
>- You're beginning to like fruit salad and mayonnaise.
>
>- You've stopped wondering why you only get bread if you order a chicken
>and mayo (mei you 'nothing') sandwich.
>
>- You eat chocolate from home and: (a) miss the taste of salt and (b)
>bounce off the walls from sugar overload.
>
>- You've learned that it's okay to be 3 days/weeks late for appointments
>because everyone else is.
>
>- You've stopped wondering why restaurants don't clean up the barf right
>outside their door.
>
>- You've stopped wondering why people will step over it to get into the
>restaurant.
>
>- You've used those big toothpicks so often you now have circular gaps
>between your teeth.
>
>- You just love it when new brethren arrive and give you their list of what
>they will and won't do and eat.
>
>- You have accumulated hundreds of notes and addresses but you can't read
>any of them.
>
>- You start making commentaries when watching a VCD/DVD or in a theatre.
>
>- You think it's pleasurable to ride your bike down the road with 10 tonne
>monster trucks flying past you 2 feet away.
>
>- You have no qualms that someone who thinks you're stupid and gullable has
>total control over your life.
>
>- A hike up a mountain calls for a plastic grocery bag full of junk food,
>later you add to the scenery by littering the ground.
>
>- You love and hate children at the same time.
>
>- You give names to your roaches and cry if one dies.
>
>- You know that the New Year's Eve countdown must begin before 11pm or
>you'll be doing it alone.
>
>- You start thinking instant coffee tastes pretty good.
>
>- You realize that all wild animals are to be caught and eaten and/or
>ground up for medicine.
>
>- You wear the same clothes all week because nobody cares.
>
>- Your biggest decision every morning is matching your tie colour with your
>face mask.
>
>- Local drinking games are your most effective language learning
>environment.
>
>- Your daughter comments "there aren't the flies here, like in Australia",
>as she kicks the shit out of the way.
>
>- You eat your lunch whilst admiring the live baby rat in a cage (complete
>with watermelon rind for food) your friendly restaurant owner caught and is
>keeping for a pet.
>
>- Only five minutes of prep time for a unannounced class no longer fazes
>you.
>
>- You begin to question your own pronounciation.
>
>- When children ask if you like Chinese students you reply "Yes they are
>very delicious" without batting an eye.
>
>- You plan to ask students questions they must form their own answers to
>and you bring reading material along to occupy your time during the long
>silence that fills the period between you asking the question and the first
>hand that tenatively rises.
>
>- Being served dog when you go out is no longer your greatest culinary
>fear.
>
>- Begin giving the staff ratings on the answers they give you based on
>their creativity rather than their candor or truthfulness.
>
>- You no longer expect the truth.
>
>- You can use "face" as a weapon.
>
>- When you hear "7-Eleven" it reminds you of two of your students